I've been away for a few days. nothing like traveling with a zippity quick macbook pro laptop and no power cord. my virtual life and all its connections were just an outlet away. I was so denied.
cd2 b/w and u/s revealed some bad news. a cyst. a 20mm cyst. it's producing a ton of estrogen and my levels are too high to proceed. IVF # 3 (or is it 2.5) is postponed and/or canceled. I am so upset. I was instructed to take 2 more weeks of bcps and then drag my ass back in for more tests. up at 4 am to take the 1 hour 45 minute "express" train to nyc. I am not taking this news very well. the constant stumbling blocks are really taking a toll on me. my state of mind. my will to move forward with all of this. it's just becoming too hard - this "tiptoe" living. I'm emotionally exhausted. I try my hardest not to to be and I am rather skilled now at fooling people. the cracks however, are beginning to show.
it just took me 20 minutes to unearth some tylenol. my head is throbbing. the pressure only gets worse when I glance over at the giant bag of IVF meds that I picked up earlier today (along with a $25 parking ticket.) maybe after some good quality sleep (sans pug gas AND with the added luxury of air conditioning) I will feel stronger and less... cracked.
"we're living large tonight b! the ac is going ON!"