02 November 2007

we'll miss you.


"mom gets to meet her angel."

after being diagnosed with 2 separate cancers in august, our little boy chilli, my shadow, passed away last night at home. b and I were by his side when he took his last breath. his crooked, little tail wagging.

cancer has robbed me, yet again. I slipped into a deep and great depression when my mom passed away from a brain tumor. I could barely get out of bed in the morning and function properly. then I got the call. there was an emaciated, homeless pug that needed a family. I adopted him. what was I thinking?! now I had to take care of this little guy. this happy soul just so full of love and personality. I rescued him but really, he rescued me.

he changed my life. he got me back on my feet. he saved me. we literally went everywhere, the two of us. we went to work each day in a cab to my office in soho. we traveled on planes. we went shopping on fifth avenue. we met with clients. favorite memories include tom and jerry's, a downtown pub where he would sit on his own stool at the bar. he loved guinness! the irish pug! we even went through formal training to become a certified therapy dog. unfortunately he never passed the final exam because "my shadow" failed the separation part of the test.

a broken heart hurts very much. the severity of his disease completely caught me off guard. he didn't look sick or act sick. just 2 days ago I ordered him a name tag with our new address on it. I feel like something huge is missing. chilli was very, very special. he was a major and positive presence that added so much to my life, to my family's life, and I am truly thankful for that. he always provided a lot of comfort and laughs during my down days struggling with the failed IVFs. he was forever snuggled by my side, happy happy.

they say my mom sent him to me. this angel. yes, she did indeed.

25 comments:

squarepeg said...

P, I am so utterly sorry. I can't imagine the loss you are feeling all over again. I won't even try to throw out any platitudes. Your post is so beautiful - it has me crying here at my desk. What a lucky little dog to find you, and how lucky for you he was sent. please please please let me know if there is anything I can do. I'm thinking of taking a yarn shopping road trip this weekend if you are interested in getting out of dodge.

Fertilize Me said...

Oh My word. I am crying my eyes out of this wonderful ode to chili. I am very sorry that you have to say goodbye to another family member this way. It's trite (but true) - you are in my thoughts today. I am very very sorry

Courtney said...

In all the sorrow of the moment, you are able to look at what Chili has meant to you and cherish those special days. What an amazing little pup and an amazing gift.

My heart goes out to you, your husband, and Chili.

Amanda said...

(over from fertilize me)

My heart breaks for you right now. You are in my thoughts.

Katarina Jelly Beana said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are clearly feeling this very deeply. I wish you comfort and solace in this difficult time.

Bean said...

Oh my, I'm so sorry. You were obviously fortunate to have each other. I'm sorry for you loss.

Searching said...

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Chilli sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime pup that was sent down at just the right time. I had one of those, too, and cancer took him away from me. It's so cruel and heartbreaking. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever want to tell stories about him, I love to hear about doggy antics. It's been nearly 11 months since my old boy wagged his last and I still cry about it, so please do come visit if you need a shoulder.

Diana said...

Oh sweetie, my eyes are full of tears, he sounds like the best dog ever.

Meghan said...

So sorry. I wish I had something more to say (type), but I'm crying too hard. Sending you lots of hugs

botheration said...

very very sorry xxxx

Katie said...

Oh, does this post break my heart into pieces. This is my first time to your site, but I came through Fertilize Me who said that you needed a virtual hug. As a fellow mom to three furbabies who have rescued ME, my heart just ACHES for your loss.

Anniep said...

Oh, I'm SO sorry... there isn't anything I can say that'll make things better, just know that we're thinking about you. Chilli is in a better place, comforting your mom now. I'm so glad it happened at home and you were there.

It's not fair. It never is.

*hugs*

Missy said...

(Here from Fertilize Me.)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Having put down one of my fur babies in June, I know your pain. I can't help but think that your doggie and your mother are up in Heaven playing together and looking down on you with love. You are in my thoughts!

Hilary said...

I am so, so very sorry.

M said...

I am so very, very sorry - I can't stop my tears from falling for you, and for chilli. As I said to Meg recently, our pets are truly angels with fur...

Much love x

CLicK said...

My heart breaks for you...I am so so sorry...

Trish said...

I'm so terribly sorry. I share your tears.. and wish I could offer you a real hug. May he rest in peace.

Anns said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Chili - now I'm sure your mom's taking care of him.

orodemniades said...

Oh, I'm so, so sorry.

Cindy Nguyen said...

I am so sorry. Big hug to you.

Anonymous said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. What an adorable little guy. I hope your memories bring you comfort.

JJ said...

I am so sorry....I know how sad it is to lose a pet that means so much-
You are in my thoughts!

Alexa said...

I am so terribly sorry. I know the horrible pain of losing an animal who is your best friend. I know everyone who reads this very touching, sad post will give their pets extra love tonight. He was lucky to have you, too.

Brooke said...

I am so sorry for your loss. What a blessing Chili was to you (and you to him)!!!

becoming-mom said...

I am so, so sorry.. I'm crying at my computer :(