18 May 2009

never in my life

"OK now you're really living my dream life."

this brought tears to my eyes when I read this after my last post (and I'm teary now.) never EVER in my wildest dreams would I think anyone could possibly think this let alone say it out loud. I realize it's just a casual expression but it still takes my breath away.

I've forever heard "you have the worst luck" and "it figures it would happen to you." things have never come easy for me as there always seems to be some degree of struggle involved. it's just that way -- my life. I consistently take the "long route" with whatever I do. yes, I think I have have accomplished a lot (up through my AMA years) but always with the extra effort. maybe this is a good thing. I certainly don't take things for granted. when my friends announce honeymoon and "oooops" babies, ginny truly stands out as extra special. yes, there was a lot of heartache, pain, unhappiness, stress and $40,000 involved but she was worth the entire experience. I wouldn't change a thing. if IVF #2 had worked out then I would never have met the little girl who's giggles and "uh, ohs! make my day and my life so rich.

so it catches me completely off guard to hear someone say I am living their "dream life." it makes me happy. it makes me sad. I've had a lot of loss (3 parents taken by cancer) but I've also had a lot of good. things with b are great (at the moment) and I have a miracle child that I absolutely, positively adore beyond words. even though I bitch and complain about many things - packing, moving, working. fuck! things are good! we have our health and a roof over our heads (((touch wood)))

davs, your time will come. I know it! hang in there and one day you will be living a dream life. next time you're in nyc, we are so hanging out! drinks are on me!

3 comments:

Fertilized said...

This made me cry

IVF 40+ said...

that is so lovely. and just looking at your little one - you do have a dream life, she is adorable!!!!

DAVs said...

Oh man. Now I'm tearing up!
I didn't mean to make you sad. You've worked so hard to get where you are and I'm so happy for you!

You can bet we'll be back in NYC...we can never stay away for long.

Thanks for this. You're one of the first blogs I ever found....way back when.