b and I finally had it yesterday.
as expected, "new RE dr d" did mention DE as an option. what's nice about that concept is that there is not time limit. no ticking clock. if "new RE dr d" is unable to perform his magic (but he will) we can wait 1.5 years when b will finally have an income. a paycheck once and for all! at that point I'll be a 73 year old with a newborn!
with any bad news, you learn to adjust and cope with the passage of time. when my mom passed away I thought I would never get over the pain and extreme sadness that consumed me for so long. the depression physically hurt. as time went on I was forced to "accept" the loss. you have no choice.
not having a biological child with b would be another major loss in my life. on some level I feel like I have been subconsciously preparing myself for bad news. DE talk a year ago would have sent me to bellevue psychiatric hospital in hysterics. I've been existing with a constant lowgrade grief since I had my tubes removed. there has been a lot of time to think. to mourn. we all know IVF does not come with any guarantees. after 3 spirited attempts thus far, the reality of our complex situation is sinking in. I hope we won't have to "accept" the loss of a biological child. if that is sadly the case, we have the DE in our back pocket.