I was back in college. I was in a familiar dorm room hanging out and chatting with 2 friends that I haven't thought of in years. literally years. it was actually quite nice to "see" them and visit for a bit. we had a lot of catching up to do. unlike me, they hadn't aged a morsel. those 1980's hairstyles were looking pretty current and rather hip.
I said I was having fertility issues and was going through IVF. I wanted to be open and honest with everyone. I was going to need some help with the dogs and had to explain the reason for my early morning (monitoring) trips to nyc from... syracuse!
"don't wait until your my age to start having children. it's so much harder when your eggs are old."
they were visibly flustered and bothered by my confession and clearly wanted nothing to do with me or my reproductive words of advice. wow.
why?!
I was upset and needed answers. I went to track down my roommate at the school of architecture. I found her sitting at a drafting table chatting with her husband and 2 kids. I told her about my conversation back at kimmel hall (the old dorm.) she started to explain why my friends were so disinterested. so incredibly cold.
and I woke up.
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our 7 lb 4 oz miracle born 27aug08
1998 - 1 nov 2007
an open and honest struggle with infertility (x2) and IVF (x4) with ICSI plus random thoughts on dogs, cancer, ppd, cloth diapers, plagiocephaly, having a bi-racial child, being an older mom, life back in fab new york city, and learning how to be positive.
virginia
our 7 lb 4 oz miracle born 27aug08
our BFP
lulu
chilli
1998 - 1 nov 2007
in a nutshell
we are infertility poster children.
my dx - AMA with high FSH, DOR and no fallopian tubes.
poor responder to stims.
b's dx - low count and low motility.
very challenged swimmers.
tubal surgery and 4 attempts at IVF
all in 1 year.
my dx - AMA with high FSH, DOR and no fallopian tubes.
poor responder to stims.
b's dx - low count and low motility.
very challenged swimmers.
tubal surgery and 4 attempts at IVF
all in 1 year.
A loved one is not gone
until they are forgotten.
And to live in the hearts
of those left behind
is to live forever.
until they are forgotten.
And to live in the hearts
of those left behind
is to live forever.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen
"the problem with infertility is
that I am mourning children
that do not exist
and I'm the only one
who misses them."
that I am mourning children
that do not exist
and I'm the only one
who misses them."
my peeps
expecting lil' peeps
with lil' peeps in tow
IVF history
IVF #1 - cancelled at ER - too few follies
IVF #2 - 2 embies transfered. bfn
IVF #3 - cancelled at ER - too few follies
IVF #4 - 3 embies transfered. BFP! 21 dec 07
IVF #2 - 2 embies transfered. bfn
IVF #3 - cancelled at ER - too few follies
IVF #4 - 3 embies transfered. BFP! 21 dec 07
email me
pfwnyc@gmail.com
baby stuff
other assorted links
2 comments:
Thats an interesting and very vivid dream
Hey there,
That's so odd. I wonder if you were subconciously trying to go back and give yourself that advice - not them. I do that sometimes - tell strangers things in my dream that are really meant for me.
Sometimes the feelings of wishing you could go back in time (to relive something, change something, etc) can be so powerful that they seem like they are really possible. How can something impossible seem so tangible? now I'm rambling.
Anyway, I'm thinking about you! Give me a ring if you ever need a break/snack/coffee...
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