jenny craig

I'm getting pudgy. gross.

I have strict orders to eat 3 meals a day and healthy snacks in between. before trouble TTC I very rarely ate lunch. sure, I would now and then nibble on a muffin or bagel after my 3 cups of morning coffee. I was also a fan of the occassional swiss cheese and tomato on a roll after knitting class. when I am deep into a project I tend to forget to eat. this explains the size small wedding dress (I'm 5' 8".) this explains my very low glucose level.

"food as medicine" is my new mantra. as if the daily wheatgrass is not brutal enough, I subject myself to a hearty whey protein shake made with rice milk. it's jam packed with frozen fruit, gary null's red stuff, flax seed, and an entire banana. I gag when it goes down with the fear it may come back up to haunt me. the last time I ate a banana was when I vomited all over my cousin's driveway in wisconsin right before going to church. I think I was 10. let's blame the banana/church association for the lack of religion in my life. yeah, that's it. the banana vomit.

in addition to eating CONSTANTLY, I swallow, no joke, 30 pills a day! thirty! sometimes 31 or 32 if I should have a headache from taking all those pills and shoving raw kale down my throat.

why can't my body function normally? I treat it now with complete and total respect. maybe it was all those late nights I spent in dive bars in the east village drinking pints and listening to firehose, the cult, alice in chains, depeche mode, pavement, the jam, tom waits, and yo la tengo on the jukebox. fond memories (from what I can remember.) youth -- I'm afraid I took my health for granted and I didn't really take good care of myself. another lesson learned too late in life. lesson # 15,782.