so today I feel good... which scares me. I don't feel pregnant. I have a newfound energy and after a giant breakfast of eggs, toast, spinach salad and an odwalla juice I don't feel a morsel nauseated. uh oh. it's very odd. when I feel bad I feel "good." but when I feel good, I feel scared and/or bad. get it? oh, how the wacky mind of a nervous pregnant lady works.
yesterday I felt completely different. as a matter of fact, saturday goes down as a significant (and most memorable) day in the pregnancy journal (if I had such a thing.) I started to faint in a busy department store. oy. I was standing in a long line with my measly $11 purchase. everyone in front of me had at least 5-10 items. it was a damn good sale -- so many bargains. as I stood and waited that "oh so familiar" nausea appeared. I ended up awkwardly leaning on the counter for support as that "twinkly" lightheaded feeling started to set in. I actually asked the surly woman in front of me if I could possibly buy my one item before her as I was not feeling well. "please?" she looked at my belly. "go ahead. I've been there." she was visibly inconvenienced. I stumbled to the register where the cashier was ringing up item after item. I unstably held onto the counter with all my might. "where is the closest chair?" he looked at me. he looked alarmed. ummmm, over there by the entrance. are you... umm... ok?"
my rubber legs BARELY got me to the bench as I made my way grasping onto whatever was in my path. I was soaked with sweat and shaking as I threw my head between my knees. everything was spinning and looked like confetti and glitter -- but without the festivities. it was a VERY close call. I was moments away from fainting and unconsciousness. shit! that was scary! my fear was more about the actual fall to the ground -- and being alone. after about 15 minutes I slowly stood up (sweaty amex still in hand) and made my way back to the counter. this time it was the cashier, poor kid, who was looking rather peaked. he immediately stopped what he was doing (pissing everyone off) and rang me up. he was both overwhelmed and concerned. "I'm fine now, thanks very much."
nobody else in that giant line bothered to check on me or think twice if I was ok (or not.) I was obviously unwell. pregnant and unwell. nice. I'm afraid this is how our world works these days. and that sucks.
but I did get a good deal on a cute top.