my usual morning routine. sip organic decaf coffee, check email, and follow up on IF message boards. this morning was different though because of 2 things. the coffee I bought and drank is REGULAR, full-on caffeine (such a dope. and I'm a "professional" packaging designer?) and I suffered through (and finally responded to) yet another post questioning being open and honest about infertility. I'm sorry, I've had enough. you've struck a nerve -- a very sensitive one.
"people" bitch and moan about how we, the infertile community, feel lonely and live in isolated silence. women are ashamed, embarrassed even, or afraid to "come out" because of this ridiculous stigma(?) attached to the diagnosis. we complain about sketchy or no coverage by the insurance companies. who's to blame? simple. we are. the infertiles. being passive and gently tip-toeing around the subject will get us nowhere.
how do you expect acceptance and hope for change if we all continue to live feeling squirmy and uneasy talking about IF? for god's sake. my body and b's body, let us down. why hide it?! is the guy down the street going through dialysis embarrassed to mention his liver? is the woman next door with heart disease worried what others might think of her? I don't think so. I have crappy old eggs, shot fallopian tubes and b has few and challenged swimmers. if we are to have our own biological family, serious doctor intervention is absolutely necessary. do I feel like I'm less of a person or that we are to "blame?" hell no. you break a bone, you put on an appropriate cast.
every single person (mostly strangers) is shocked when I tell them our story. everyone, so far, has been open minded, sincerely interested and willing to learn. "I'm sorry. I had no idea," is the typical response. what the general public truly understands about IF is pathetic. "john and kate plus 8" breaks my heart. "having trouble getting pregnant? twins and sextuplets are the solution." it's that kind of "education" about IF treatments that the world is getting. this shit has got to stop. until people have a better understanding of what it's like to be infertile (emotionally, physically and financially) and the treatment options available then "we" (not me) will continue to feel compelled to keep our untraditional road to pregnancy top secret. we are not talking sex here. we are talking 21st century medicine.
"you did IVF? you must be having twins in there." grrrrrrr. time for a little chat.
I'm so sorry you've had to experience hurtful and rude comments. I really cannot imagine what that is like (especially when going through treatment(s).
I never said being open and truthful about our IF would be easy and pain free, but WE really need to be proactive if we expect to world to "get it" and "change." the majority of the responsibility is indeed in our hands. if we continue to sit in ashamed and uncomfortable silence then we can only expect more ignorant responses.