why am I so tired these days? my surgery was over a week ago. is it residual anesthesia? I am just so sluggish no matter how much I sleep. it's most likely depression. the financial strain (in addition to the emotional turmoil) is really kicking in. fifteen thousand dollars is not even money anymore. I can't even imagine what that kind of cash looks like. is it the kind of money that fills a briefcase?
I do know that it is a 10% down payment of a $150,000 condominium in new haven. a home plastered in hideous metallic wallpaper and covered in nasty carpeting. it's paying off my subaru station wagon (oh, the irony) loan. it's being completely debt free. it's one hell of a piece of diamond jewelry!
$15,000 IVF should come with a guarantee. really! or if, god forbid, it doesn't work, the second time should cost only a couple hundred dollars. the clinic already knows you by then. I don't even blink twice when I write a weekly $125 check for fertility acupuncture. this is why we have credit cards. DH and I don't live an extravagant lifestyle by any means. what are we supposed to cut out of our living expenses? (aside from my new leather bag.) really! yes, organic groceries cost more but they're healthier and considerably more nutritious. the better prepared my body is physically, the greater chance of a succesful IVF. it is like the saying "you have to spend money in order to make money." or in my case, "you have to spend money in order to make baby."