busy coping

I am not responding very well. my very high FSH (a sickening 16) made my RE max out my meds. the first round of bloodwork and ultrasound showed very little activity with my ovaries. it figures the hormones are not working for me yet physically but they are extremely effective emotionally. and the follistim headaches. yikes! sometimes my teeth hurt. I am convinced 1,000% that my surgery did indeed compromise the bloodflow to my ovaries. it was a huge risk and I took it.

my shots are not pleasant but I'm mananging. it is very intimidating mixing the tiny bottles knowing how significant each and every drop of medication is. I usually shake when trying to prepare each injection. remember, I design logos for a living. b has been a great and patient teacher and I don't think I could do this correctly without his expert guidance. I cannot believe I am able to give myself the shots. I have to say, I am pretty damn proud of my new skill. my belly looks and feels inflated and I can no longer button my pants. "excuse me miss, your fly is down." "yeah, I know! I prefer it that way." I have big red welts and all these little scabs. it's unattractive. it is not so much the "shooting up" but the medicine being injected that burns and hurts. finding a chunk of skin to pinch and stab that isn't tender and sore is almost impossible now. it's not pleasant but I'm mananging.

I just have to keep repeating to myself "it only takes one." however it's very difficult to shake the negative thoughts when my hormones (aka emotions) are so out of whack. we need a morsel of good news to give us a little hope. egg retrieval is tentatively scheduled in one week. but we need some eggs to retrieve.