I recently received an evite for a baby's birthday party this weekend. my friend has a ton of siblings and cousins that all have infants and toddlers. estimated ratio: 1-3 kids per adult. I cannot do it. it's too hard. I idiotically decided to be open and honest instead of the old "b and I have made other plans already, sorry." I sent her a gracious and very apologetic email explaining my state of mind. I was hoping she'd "understand." here's the kicker. she had her son via cornell center for reproductive medicine and infertility.
her reply - "sometimes you have to put on a tough face. It makes you stronger and able to manage things better if you face your problems."
face my problems? my infertility problems? my lack of fallopian tubes? my DH's few and highly challenged sperm? I was so upset that I posted her response on one of the IF message boards that I frequent. I got 16 responses
"- I think I'd be tempted to reply that my "problem" is with unsupportive and self-centered friends. It sounds like she's just pissed because you aren't coming to her party.
- That is awful!! How are you NOT "facing your problem"?! Does she think that by going to the stupid bday party, you will be able to better come to terms with T TTC? At least you can be assured that YOU did the right thing by writing a thoughtful/apologetic email, and she was the one that acted inappropriately.
- Oh gosh girl. WHAT an insensitive friend--especially since she experienced IF herself. I am so sorry she acted that way--you completely don't deserve it! You took the higher road here--rest assured. Self -preservation is EXTREMELY important during IF. Some people can handle certain situations better than others--how about this? I haven't gone to my niece or nephew's b-day parties in over a year OR any baby showers either. You know what? TOO BAD! I have to deal with IF and IVF---I am more important than anything else that bothers me and upsets me and that I can avoid. My sil and bil were fine with it (and even if they weren't, I still wouldnt've have gone--I see them all the time but birthday parties with tons of kids and preggos is not my idea of fun at all) Sorry she's so self absorbed that she can't dig back into her memory of when she suffered from IF and be a supportive friend. (((HUGS))) Do what's good FOR YOU!!!!!!!
- Granted I'm quite hormonal right now but her response made me very angry. I'm sorry your friend has lost her damn mind, not to mention her manners. I think birthday parties for kids are fantastic things but I really don't get some people's obsession with having ALL their friends there for their child's party. IF they want to come, YAY! But to actually get miffed if they don't? Beyond me.... I'm sorry again, hang in there.
- wow, are you going to respond back that you are facing your problems, on your own away from a bunch of babies and kids? i almost understand naive people saying stupid things but she is supposed to be a part of ourt club! That's it, I'm kicking her out!!!!
- And how does sitting through a baby's birthday party qualify as "facing your problems?" How is that going to help your state of mind at all? Ugh. I would celebrate that kid's birthday with a bottle of wine out on my patio."