patience over at the impatient patient brought up a very interesting question. "are you a different person online and on your blog?"
I was amazed at the number of people that said they censored their blogs in order to not offend anyone. that they are not being true to what they are thinking and feeling. wow. I am the total opposite. if you can't be honest here where can you be honest? (that's just my point of view. no offense please.) this silly site of mine is MY relief. this is where I can type like a raving lunatic and be open and vent. we all know IF is wicked. I (sort of) get it out of my system before b comes home from work. it's my "dear diary, I had a shitty day. IVF sucks..." and it happens to be public. I'd rather bitch and moan about MIL online than do something stupid in real life that I would regret later on. believe me, I am not all gloom and doom, angry, a total debbie downer. starting today I will end each post on a positive note -- excerpts from my grateful journal. if only I could find it.
3 very eventful and positive things happened just yesterday. three! do good things come in 3's as well?
1 - chilli, who had a terrible, nauseated day on wednesday, started to eat again. a pug that rejects hand fed roast beef is a real reason for serious concern. wednesday was day 5 after his chemo and arrogant vet (vet #3) anticipated that he would be in bad shape during this time. well it passed. he actually has a little spring in his step again. woohoo!
2 - b passed his surgical boards!!! congratulations b! he is always so dramatic after he takes these medical exams. "I failed!" well, you didn't. I knew he didn't. he is postponing the oral exams until may. he thinks we have "a lot going on right now." he thinks?
drum role please. 3 - MIL is not coming labor day weekend. that's all I am going to say.
a new attitude? no, not really. just a little less pessimistic grumpiness and more of my "what a glorious day" side. whatever.
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our 7 lb 4 oz miracle born 27aug08
1998 - 1 nov 2007
an open and honest struggle with infertility (x2) and IVF (x4) with ICSI plus random thoughts on dogs, cancer, ppd, cloth diapers, plagiocephaly, having a bi-racial child, being an older mom, life back in fab new york city, and learning how to be positive.
virginia
our 7 lb 4 oz miracle born 27aug08
our BFP
lulu
chilli
1998 - 1 nov 2007
in a nutshell
we are infertility poster children.
my dx - AMA with high FSH, DOR and no fallopian tubes.
poor responder to stims.
b's dx - low count and low motility.
very challenged swimmers.
tubal surgery and 4 attempts at IVF
all in 1 year.
my dx - AMA with high FSH, DOR and no fallopian tubes.
poor responder to stims.
b's dx - low count and low motility.
very challenged swimmers.
tubal surgery and 4 attempts at IVF
all in 1 year.
A loved one is not gone
until they are forgotten.
And to live in the hearts
of those left behind
is to live forever.
until they are forgotten.
And to live in the hearts
of those left behind
is to live forever.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen
"the problem with infertility is
that I am mourning children
that do not exist
and I'm the only one
who misses them."
that I am mourning children
that do not exist
and I'm the only one
who misses them."
my peeps
expecting lil' peeps
with lil' peeps in tow
IVF history
IVF #1 - cancelled at ER - too few follies
IVF #2 - 2 embies transfered. bfn
IVF #3 - cancelled at ER - too few follies
IVF #4 - 3 embies transfered. BFP! 21 dec 07
IVF #2 - 2 embies transfered. bfn
IVF #3 - cancelled at ER - too few follies
IVF #4 - 3 embies transfered. BFP! 21 dec 07
email me
pfwnyc@gmail.com
baby stuff
other assorted links
6 comments:
i posted a comment- then my internet went out .... the cliff notes version - this is your blog- be what ever helps you get the most out of this experience- and if you want to be more positive at hte end of the post - then do
things i am doing a happy dance for - 1- chili eatting, 2- no houseguest this labor day, 3- husband passing the test!! wow great things
YAY for the big 3!!! They are all very exciting. I hope you can have a wonderful Labor day weekend with your DH and the pug!
This very reason is why I'm considering shutting down my blog and starting up a new one - I don't want to censor myself but the few people that know me that read don't need to hear some of the more personal details about me....
I'm so glad little Chilli is feeling a bit better.... xx
I let it pretty much all hang out. Matter of fact, on the rare occcasion that I tell someone I know IRL about my blog, I always give a warning that says "listen, this is unedited. Sometimes it's ugly. Consider yourself warned."
If it were a blog about my entire life.. I'd probably have to edit. But it's a blog about my IF (mostly) and I started it because I HAD to get it out somewhere. It's so therapeutic to me to just be full on pissy when I want to be.
Jealous cause a friend is pregnant.. yep. I post that. Even though that friend has the link. If she doens't like it, she doesn't have to read it.
I'm glad to hear your little guy is a little better.. I'm thinking of you guys.
Great question. I avoid sharing the details of extreme downs, and I suspect I will be reluctant to share any extreme ups (if and when they happen). But overall I agree that this is a space that can provide you with the opportunity to be more honest than IRL.
I think my blog is a very close reflection of what I am feeling and thinking at any given moment. I edit for foul language at times because I know that my MIL is reading, but she is also totally cool and I sometimes go back and put the f*ck back in after reading because it was what I really had intended to do in the beginning. My DH has read my blog a few times and he has commented that sometimes I post things "he said" that he "didn't mean that way", but it's my "interpretation" of what I heard, I remind him, and that if he wanted me to hear something differently, he would have said it in a different way. :-) I also cloak my doctor's location and names in aliases as they might stumble onto my blog, much as they did with Thalia. Poor lass. That's about it though. What you read is pretty much my attitude.
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