04 August 2007

typical response

if I hear this once more I think I will scream my head off. please note - this is not directed towards you jwp. we simply need support, good friends, and a whole lot understanding (especially if I appear a little out of sorts - which is usually the case.) we are not seeking out answers (except at cornell.)

adoption. yes! it is truly a fantastic thing. I'm just tired of people suggesting that we go down that road. it's become the oh so popular and generic solution to our "problem." lots of people we know, CLIENTS EVEN, throw the word around so easily like it's that simple. "if the third IVF doesn't work just adopt." yeah, ok. now why didn't I think of that?

I look at my sisters and my brother. I see both of my parents in all 3 of them. it's an amazing feeling/connection to see such a strong resemblance especially when both parents have passed away. it's familiar. it's comforting. my mother died 9 years ago this coming november. I see her constantly (physical traits, certain mannerisms, expressions) in my siblings and this makes me incredibly happy. wow. she's gone but I can still see her.

I recall one of my sisters saying that she enjoyed being pregnant. I take it back. she loved it. I want that amazing experience. they (the fertiles) say there is nothing else like it. call me selfish. call me self-absorbed. call me narcissistic. but I want it! I want to get big and fat. I want to feel that first kick. I want to have a child with b. I want that powerful family connection. the artist and the physician. the white girl and the asian guy. our child would no doubt be an unusual combination (and very earth conscious and skilled at recycling.)

I'm not ruling out adoption. I actually always sort of imagined having a few foster children in my life. wednesday's child on the news always touched me. b and I have not talked about the "a" word so I have no idea how he feels about it. I take that back too. we have discussed the gigantic price tag that goes with adopting a child but that's about it. god, they really don't make this easy for us. parenthood.

6 comments:

Inconceivable said...

"just adopt" ......like I'm "just" runing to the store for milk ..be right back

Alexa said...

Oh, don't even get me started. I get this from my family all the time--basically whenever I have the nerve to complain about fertility treatment, I get "just adopt." Because of course adoption doesn't involve any financial or emotional stress. Grrr.

Diana said...

Why can't peopel just be supportive of what you are currently going through? Is that really too much to ask? I don't get it. I don't think I ever will.

Anniep said...

Clearly anyone who says "just adopt" hasn't the foggiest clue about ANYTHING.

If only it was that easy. *phhtp* yeah. whatevah.

Frank N. Beans said...

very frustrating. especially when you know that the comments are (for the most part) well intentioned.

sister j said...

just & adopt:2 words that do not go together...adoption is not an alternative to ivf...it is an insurance policy,a hopeful option to form a family...is only brought up as encouragement for despair over not becoming a parent...not as comfort for despair over not becoming pregnant...2 different concepts...ivf is what we pray for...bottom line