typical response

if I hear this once more I think I will scream my head off. please note - this is not directed towards you jwp. we simply need support, good friends, and a whole lot understanding (especially if I appear a little out of sorts - which is usually the case.) we are not seeking out answers (except at cornell.)

adoption. yes! it is truly a fantastic thing. I'm just tired of people suggesting that we go down that road. it's become the oh so popular and generic solution to our "problem." lots of people we know, CLIENTS EVEN, throw the word around so easily like it's that simple. "if the third IVF doesn't work just adopt." yeah, ok. now why didn't I think of that?

I look at my sisters and my brother. I see both of my parents in all 3 of them. it's an amazing feeling/connection to see such a strong resemblance especially when both parents have passed away. it's familiar. it's comforting. my mother died 9 years ago this coming november. I see her constantly (physical traits, certain mannerisms, expressions) in my siblings and this makes me incredibly happy. wow. she's gone but I can still see her.

I recall one of my sisters saying that she enjoyed being pregnant. I take it back. she loved it. I want that amazing experience. they (the fertiles) say there is nothing else like it. call me selfish. call me self-absorbed. call me narcissistic. but I want it! I want to get big and fat. I want to feel that first kick. I want to have a child with b. I want that powerful family connection. the artist and the physician. the white girl and the asian guy. our child would no doubt be an unusual combination (and very earth conscious and skilled at recycling.)

I'm not ruling out adoption. I actually always sort of imagined having a few foster children in my life. wednesday's child on the news always touched me. b and I have not talked about the "a" word so I have no idea how he feels about it. I take that back too. we have discussed the gigantic price tag that goes with adopting a child but that's about it. god, they really don't make this easy for us. parenthood.