19 August 2007

they say

bad things come in 3's.

1 - cancelled/postponed IVF #3 (or is it #2.5)
2 - chilli's diagnosis of 2 cancers
3 - MIL coming labor day

oh no. why does she have to visit now? why does she have to visit at all? I have so much on my plate at the moment and her arrival could easily push me over the edge. I am teetering there right now.

she "doesn't care for me." that is putting it mildly. the thing is, she doesn't even know me. her strong opinions are based on me not being a church goer and having religion a significant part of my life. I guess if I am not in church I must, no doubt, be worshiping the devil and committing all sorts of sins. that's me -- busting all the commandments! "thou shall..."

she loves to send me religious books. I am an earth conscious person that cares about the world's future. they go right into the recycling bin.

she better be on her best behavior. if she starts in with the criticism and speaking only in korean (to blatantly exclude me) I will have a total fit. the house is still not settled from the move. I have accomplished what I am capable of and it's not a whole lot. who cares. the kitchen is not completely painted, the bedroom still has boxes as dressers, and my office is a post-move dumping ground. I don't care. if she is mean to me I cannot be responsible for what I might say. and oh, I have a lot to say.

I've let her talk down to me in the past. I've let her negative comments and judgments get under my skin and upset me. not anymore. I'm trying my best to function normally while watching my dog struggle to breath and my successful IVF dreams disappear.

this was very telling. I met MIL's brother for the first time at our wedding rehearsal dinner. "wow. you are actually very pretty." he is clearly shocked and perplexed. she must have painted a hideous picture of me to all the relatives -- a disgusting and rude ogre of a person. well, I am not. surprise, surprise.

3 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

Is your MIL my MIL? My MIl also does not like me because I am not catholic. She refuses to recognize our wedding because it was not in a catholic church .... (this coming from a woman that has been married 4 times and has 10 kids from all different fathers). I will be senidng positive vibes for you!! I hope its a some what barable visit

A said...

hi,
i'm korean, and i completely understand where you may be coming from re: MIL. korean mothers will never think the woman their son marries is good enough for their son. (i'm sure that this is true in many cultures).

in fact, unless its a woman directly from korea who will stay home, take care of the husband in terms of laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc - they will never think that she is good enough. even my own mother, whom i love with all my heart and who is pretty americanized, would like to set up my brother with a freshly-imported wife from korea because she KNOWS that this import will take care of him.

ha! total BS i say! the religious koreans are even worse. all they were hoping for was that their son would marry a nice, quiet korean girl who can cook korean food well and be completely respectful to their elders. i'm NOT saying that you're not respectful....but i'm sure you know that there are certain korean traditions that they expect (such as speaking "up" to them, bowing, never speaking out of turn, serving, etc).

now, i am not like that at all. i am loud, opinionated, independent, and i dont like housework at all. but when it comes to any korean elders (such as friends' parents) i completely modify my actions, because that's just how we were brought up. its how we show respect.

i am not bashing my culture because i love that i'm korean. i really do. and i have nothing against acting the way they expect me to act, because i honestly believe that it is the proper way to show respect to your elders, esp. your MIL. i think that once you build that foundation, then the MIL becomes friendly and you can even be very close with her. its very tough, but that's just how it is. but dont get me wrong - i am so glad that i didn't marry a korean guy bc i dont know how long i would be able to put up with this either.

i know its very very hard and i agree that she is probably not very nice to you. but the best thing you can probably do is have your husband step up for you. tell him to tell her to be nice. she will listen to her son because he's a grown man now and she will respect that. but he needs to be completely firm with her and set her boundaries.

i'm so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else. i truly hope that the stay goes well. we are all here thinking of you, if you ever need the strength.

good luck.
-A

Rebecca said...

Pfft, I completely understand. I'm not good enough for my husband according to his mother, and also I'm 'too well educated'. They're pondscum. Should we ever have a child (ha) she'll be lucky if she ever gets to see it.