thursday. nyc. cornell. the cyst is still there and producing too much estrogen. IVF canceled again. goddammit! I had a borderline argument with my RE's aggravating receptionist (who happens to share the same name as MIL. figures.) I called to "speak with" not leave a message with RE. aggravating receptionist insists I call MIA IVF nurse. fuck off. I NEED to have a conversation with dr s. what part don't you understand?! dr s called back an hour later. so I guess she really does exist. oh, and she is very much pregnant with her first.
"blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, cyst. blah, blah, blah, cyst blah. no IVF for you. blah, blah, blah."
"thanks for calling me back -- ("finally." which I mumbled under my breath). oh, and congratulations on your pregnancy dr s."
"thank you. I am more motivated now to help my patients get pregnant."
what the hell does THAT mean? was she giving me some half-assed treatment up until now? what does motivated mean exactly? I am happy to hear this but at the same time I am a little pissed.
friday. boston. chilli's oncologist. it was a very overwhelming experience. vet #3 has not a morsel of decent bedside manner. he rambled off cancer jargon and various protocols like he was giving a lecture to an auditorium full of vet students. he got visibly annoyed if I asked a question that had anything to do with part of his presentation that he had already gone over. "like I SAID..." he should have said "weren't you listening, stupid?" I was put on the spot to make to major decisions concerning our little guy's care. I should not have been alone at this appointment. how can an obviously confused and sobbing person know what to do?
chilli had his first round of chemo. it was difficult to watch. he wimpered and shook the entire time he had the IV in his little arm. I have never seen him like that. all I know is that this mysterious cancer in his chest is very advanced and very invasive. the unrelated liver lymphoma has been put on "the back burner." how can a 26 lb dog have so much cancer? the chemo will hopefully reduce the size of the mass (a mass that is so rare and, this amazes me, unidentifiable) and give chilli some relief until...
our intention is to keep him comfortable and pain free. I anticipate a rough road ahead.