28 January 2008

9w3d - livin' the single life

again, I'm alone in dealing with "all of this." I went though multiple IVFs "alone." I experienced my one and only bfp alone. I give myself daily PIO shots (not easy even though my ass and childbearing hips are getting larger.) I spent the end of last week and most of the weekend sick in bed and totally miserable. yes... alone. b logged in 140 hours last week at the hospital. one hundred and forty! I didn't see him for 4 days straight. when he comes home he is literally an empty shell, nothing left, for anyone. and so thin! it's very difficult going through the torture and worries of the first trimester when you don't have any support from your husband. it's very difficult experiencing the joy and happiness of a new pregnancy, one WE worked so hard for, when single parenthood seems inevitable.

140 hours is criminal (and COMPLETELY illegal, people!) b gives all he has to the hospital and to his demanding attendings. fuck all of them! this fellowship sucks! I worry for his health and state of mind. I worry about the care he is giving (or not giving.) I worry about our marriage. things are very different now. it's not just me, sitting home alone, it's us. our miracle, little one, needs to come first.

can we please be happy and enjoy this... together?
what a strange request.

4 comments:

Rachel Inbar said...

It sounds very sad. I went through something similar, but my (now ex) husband wasn't there by choice. If the two of you are really devoted to each other, see this as a time during which things are really difficult, but that they will get better. Working as many hours as he does, it's impossible to expect much more than phone calls from him... I hope he at least gets a few days off a month that you can spend together. It sounds like something that would put an incredible strain on your relationship otherwise.

Diana said...

WOW, that really sucks. It astounds me the hours that doctors work, how do they make rational decisions about a patients care under those circumstances?

Does he have any options with this? Is there an end in sight?

Rebecca said...

So sorry it's so tough on you...hopefully his schedule will let up soon, but it sounds like it's pretty normal for his line of work. I give you a lot of credit.

Trish said...

I'm so sorry. For both of you, really. How much longer will he have to keep this up?