how come I see so many simple and beautifully designed blogs out there? I am a graphic designer for crying out loud and THIS is the best I can do? blogger doesn't offer many creative options yet I see all sorts of custom blogs using this site. how do you all do it? please educate me! I am ashamed of my lack of control with type and imagery. the insensitive letter spacing. the unruly leading. it pains me!
I figured with the new year I'd try an extreme makeover. my old layout was for tryingin2007 and there was a lot of sadness that year. the surgery, the failed cycles, moving farther away from my friends (and deeper into isolation,) numerous car dramas, chilli's illness and death. but don't get me wrong, we did end on a brilliant and amazing note -- 20dec was cutting it pretty close.
I wake up every morning now so incredibly grateful that we made it through another day, another night. so thankful that little one has chosen to hang on. 7w5d - one day closer to our due date. another 24 hours has passed incident-free (((touch wood.))) after that horrific bleeding episode and ER visit I live in constant fear. every trip to use the bathroom is a nerve wracking experience. every unrecognizable cramp gives me heart palpitations. it's a terrible way to live but yet, at the same time, I feel truly blessed and thrilled beyond words. how's this possible? I'm no longer tryingin2007 but tryingtobepositive08. BUT... I am still holding on tightly to my leftover vials of menopur and stash of follistim in the fridge. I am far from being "out of the woods" and this is a very dense forest with a gazillion trees, vines, dangerous predators, quick sand...
hopefully by the end of this week I will have in my possession (thank you amazon.com) my 2 new pregnancy meditation cds. I found the IF and IVF versions really helpful while cycling and post ET. they were key in my learning how to relax and cope with unreasonable thoughts (if only temporarily.) if anyone's head is spinning out of control with negativity and paranoia, ohhhh... it's mine! my new ipod is all charged up and ready to go. now where IS this UPS guy? I've got A LOT of work to do. tryingtobepositive08 is difficult stuff!