such heartache.

a dear old friend (after numerous m/c) had his first son on monday evening. he has downs syndrome. a lovely woman on the saIF (success after IF) message board just announced her baby (pg at 17 weeks) also has downs. both of these people were instrumental in calming(?) my fears after our dreadful first trimester screen. I've cried and my heart breaks for both of these families. godammit! haven't they been through enough already?

the little boy is still in intensive care. I don't know the details but I do know his parents are suffering terribly. their second round of b/w and level II u/s both indicated a healthy baby. everything was in the normal range. no worries. I spoke with my friend's wife for a long time last week about how they too had great difficulty muddling their way though the genetic tests. she called me straight away after hearing our results. "being old sucks!" those were indeed scary and emotional days. she recalls watching her husband (my friend -- so strong and optimistic) sob while mowing the lawn one afternoon.

I have a lot on my mind... yet nothing left to say.