quiet because I was stuck in bed. doctor's orders after a 1 am ER visit thursday night.
thursday am I did the usual trek into nyc to see dr d for another f/u appointment and u/s. everything looked good. we had a strong heartbeat of 160 bpm. a huge sigh of relief. dr d even suggested we start weening me off of the PIO. now THAT'S progress! no b/w either. things were "right on track."
until... 4:30 pm. my train home was delayed because of a suicide on the tracks. horrible. when I got home I started to feel crampy. I had been queasy and light-headed on and off all day but I figured this was the start of classic m/s. well the cramps continued for hours and came in waves of intensity. I imagined them being similar to teeny tiny contractions. they felt very unfamiliar. then later in the evening the blood started. it was "minor" spotting at first and I was not prepared for what was to come around midnight. "whooosh!" lots of (WARNING! turn away) very thick and mucousy bright red blood mixed with brown blood in a huge gush.
I was horrified! this was not good and I anticipated the worst. off to the ER.
and the waiting began. after finally getting into a room we met with the 17 year old ER resident. he had no idea what I meant when I said this was an IVF pregnancy. yikes. he proceeded to do an external u/s which didn't reveal a thing. it just freaked me out even MORE (if possible) because he could not find a heartbeat. I was literally shaking uncontrollably during the entire exam while holding back the hysterics.
more waiting. they wanted to do an internal exam. "not necessary! just get me an internal u/s for god's sake!"
around 5 am I was wheeled into radiology for my u/s. I studied b's and the poker faced tech's expressions looking for some sort of positive signal. a smile maybe. and there it was. finally. the tiny beating heart. the little one was still holding on.
and more waiting. this time for the radiologist's report. at this point the bleeding had stopped and the cramps were long gone. I felt relief for a moment. a short lived moment. as I was getting dressed the ER nurse came back with the b/w results. my beta hcg was 1480! are you kidding? it was 1580 over a week and a half ago. this was bad, bad news. the ER attending couldn't explain this. "I suggest you speak with your dr."
we got home around 6:30. I tried to rest until the dr's offices opened. yeah right. every person I spoke with was indeed concerned and very bothered/perplexed by the low beta. it seemed impossible. this was bad though. the inevitable (I cannot say it) I figured would happen soon. I was heartbroken.
dr d said it was good though that we had a heartbeat. now I had to wait 4 MORE days for another u/s and b/w. (((big sigh)))
then they arrived! my amazing sisters! like angels they descended upon me bearing food, comfort and joy. b was nowhere to be found. the hospital had sucked him in deep. my sisters saved me! literally. they got me more PIO, they returned my rental car, they bought me organic milk, they walked miss lulu, they bought me swedish fish! they CLEANED my entire house! more importantly, they came with lots of love and support. I owe them both big time for their generosity. they are the best! mom would be so very proud.
when b finally emerged from on-call/OR hell he had my official ER report in hand. and there it was in all its glory. the correct beta hcg. the dopey (and ironically pregnant) nurse had reported the number wrong. it was 14800 not 1480. what a huge mistake this was. but in the end the sense of relief was so much bigger. we're "ok" for now.
... but still holding my breath.