13 September 2007

IVF. cancelled.

I did it.

14 hours before egg retrieval I called off the procedure. after 12 days of stimming and daily (4 hour round trip train) monitoring in manhattan (including yesterday's 4:12 am train) at $32-$37 round trip, $4 subway round trip, $7 daily parking, and the occasional frenzied cab ($30), the cycle's a bust.

my "current" RE is on maternity leave (how selfish) and in terms of my personal care, I have fallen through the cracks. suddenly I don't have a doctor. I refused to have the temp RE take over and I chose a doctor within the practice who is known for his success with poor responders. I am the epitome of the poor responder.

after daily, numerous calls to "new RE dr d" he never called me back. his stupid ass, idiotic, incompetent receptionist assured me that he or she would return my phone calls. my biggest fear was that the transition to "new RE dr d" wouldn't be smooth. wouldn't happen. my insticts were right on. I indeed fell through the cracks and was in no-man's land flailing at cornell.

I had 2 "senior" follicles and 1 "junior." I was on the fence about proceeding with such a small reserve. I needed to speak with a doctor to get more information, facts, before I could feel confident with the retrieval. it all seemed way too risky. after at least 7 frantic calls to new RE dr d yesterday alone, I still did not get a response. I ended up ringing the main desk. this was an emergency!

early evening I finally touched base with the attending on-call. he spent 15 minutes with me going into detail my b/w and u/s results. we talked about the risks of failing and the cost. we talked about trying a different protocol next time. the point is, WE TALKED! I actually had a conversation with a doctor who addressed my concerns. halleluiah! "if you were my patient, I would suggest we not go though with the retrieval." that's all I needed to hear -- sound advice from a pro. I am obviously incapable of managing my own care and making significant medical decisions. I draw pictures for a living.

my ovaries are killing me right now. I am happy(?) with my decision -- it was the right one -- but very sad and disappointed. does that make sense? b is pretty upset and he is concerned that each delayed cycle could potentially be worse. time is not on our side. I'm old.

this last week has been total hell and complete torture for me. between a very sick, post chemo pug in diapers with uncontrollable oozing diarreah (he was eventually hospitalized), the stresses of an IVF cycle (with no doctor), and dealing with cancelled insurance coverage (I forget to send in a check-- surprise, surprise) I am completely and totally spent.


AwkwardMoments said...

How is chili now? Still in the hospital?? I am very sorry things are still very hectic to say hte least. I am glad that you got to speak to a real live human and discuss your file.

nickoletta100 said...

I just don't know what to say, I wanted this for you so badly. You needed this.

Is it possible to switch to this doctor that actually knows how to talk to you? With all the great things you hear about Cornell it sure sounds like they have treated you like shit. At a bare minimum I am hoping you can find a decent doc.

Hugs to you, please take care of yourself.

M said...

I have to congratulate you on being so assertive - I find that being pro active in my cycles does help; and falling thru the cracks is totally unacceptable.

Actually I'd flagged one of your posts to respond to but somehow lost it, what I was going to say to you was as a fellow poor responder, I'd stay totally clear of the down reg, bcp cycles. At my first clinic I did the down reg and got 1, 0 and 2 eggs in my first 3 cycles. When I changed clinics I went to a flare or antagonist cycle, and whilst I've had some stellar hauls, I've also consistently got more than 1 egg. Email me any time if you'd like more info!!! x

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I am so sorry, sweetie. All of this is just awful. I'm sorry that you had to cancel the cycle, sorrier still that there was only three follicles this time, and even more for Chili. Hang in there.

Kristen said...

I'm so sorry about everything. I just wanted to send you lots of (((HUGS))). I commend you for speaking up for yourself, despite how hard it must have been for you to do.

Anonymous said...

That's a damned hard thing to do, I can't even imagine having to make that call...but kudos to you for making it.

AshPash said...

Sorry this did not work out for you. Sending good wishes.

Knock Me Up said...

Wow, I don't know if I'd have the strength to cancel a cycle. I'd probably want to but I don't know if I could actually do it. I'm so sorry you had to. I am happy you finally got to talk to a dr. that made you feel comfortable about making such a tough decision. I agree with Diana, is it possible to switch to this dr.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you.