I was beginning to think that people really do suck. that the world is very cruel. the day before chilli passed away we were at the local dog park. I knew our little guy wasn't feeling well and I figured a trip to the park would "lift his spirits." he used to be very social and really enjoyed chasing all the large labs and shepherd mixes. squeeling out of frustration, skinny little pug legs trying to keep up. these last few months he had slowed down considerably and was perfectly content to sit by my feet and simply watch. it was nice to be outside and the weather was fantastic.
our last trip was cut short when he fainted in the grass. I quickly ran over and picked him up - a 26 pound wet noodle. nobody, not one fucking person in the park, offered me any assistance as I carried away an unconscious dog (while trying to gather my belongings and leash our other dog.) all the bastards sat on the benches and chatted away. I was obviously struggling and had started to cry. why wouldn't anyone offer to help?
once I got to the sidewalk chilli was aware and wagging his tail. an older woman on the street ran over to me and suggested she take us to the vet. "what can I do? where can I drive you?" I thanked her repeatedly for her kindness and assured her chilli would be "ok." I mentioned he was going through chemotherapy and what we witnessed was probably some sort of side effect. once I got "the kids" unleashed and into the car I noticed something amazing about the woman. she was crying too.
it's difficult to sit here now at my desk with an empty dog bed at my feet. there's no snoring or the sound of pug toenails on the hardwoods. an ever present warmth is missing. I have to say the incredible amount of genuine support - lovely messages, cards and flowers - I have received has overwhelmed and amazed me. and these virtual communities that I've stumbled upon (blogs and IF message boards) man, what great women (and man.) I intend to save each and every email, pm, and comment to print out and look back on when I am feeling crappy. sadly, so many of you know exactly how I feel.
I was struck by this particular email.
"I wish there was something I could say or do to make this time better for you. my 4-year-old niece just lost her dog as well. she was very upset - asked her mom why dogs don't live longer like people. and then about an hour later she answered her own question: "people live longer than dogs because it takes them longer to learn how to be nice and be a good buddy. dogs don't have to live as long because they are born nice and already know how to be a good buddy"."
I take it back. yes! the world is full of good people. thank you.