28 December 2007

no fun

I'm sorry I haven't posted in such a long time. I've been in beta hell. I am still there actually and it sucks bad.

thanks everyone for the kind words, congrats and well wishes posted here and privately through email. you guys are the best!

beta hell journey started over the holidays. I waited 6 loooong days for beta #2 and it was torture. it was ridiculously hard to enjoy christmas knowing my 1st beta was low and I had to wait (forever) for the next blood draw. well, it came back yesterday (20dpo) at a sluggish 424. the IVF nurse is concerned but not overly concerned. what does that mean exactly? she wishes it was in the 500 range. she said to come into the city for b/w on saturday -- no more OOT labs. crap! 2 more days of waiting. an hour later she called back "come in on monday. I forgot. we are closed this weekend." are you kidding me?! 4 MORE days of living in this terrible limbo. it's just not right!

I have spent every waking moment scouring every possible beta hcg website I could google. I've read every post on every beta message board... twice. I did every doubling calculator I stumbled upon. they've been pretty consistent. they've been consistently discouraging.

doubling time = 2.27 days (or 54 hours)
daily rate increase 36%
2 day rate increase 84 %
total increase 524%

I don't know what to make of these numbers really. I just know at 20dpo the number should be much higher.

what's really painful is that I was only able to enjoy a much anticipated BFP for about 5 minutes. I'm trying, with all my might, to stay on a positive track -- consciously optimistic, and it's INCREDIBLY HARD dammit it!

I beg you! please, PLEASE stay little one! I promise to make it worth your while!


AwkwardMoments said...

Stay put you lil thing! grow grow grow!

Amanda said...

54 hours IS NOT a bad doubling. It's not right where they want it, but that's ok. It's within normal limits. Here's an excerpt from the American Pregnancy Association: In a bout 85% of normal pregnancies, the hCG level will double every 48 - 72 hours. As you get further along in pregnancy and the hCG level gets higher, the time it takes to double can increase to about every 96 hours.

On Betabase.info they also have a range of levels for 20DPO: Average-837 Lowest-29 Highest-10000

I hope these numbers give you some comfort. You are still very much in the running for a healthy pregnancy!!!

Now on the topic of them dragging this out for you...WTF?!?!


Sue said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good news. Sorry you have to go through such an agonizing wait.

Anonymous said...

A's right. You may just have a slow grower, but I think you're in the range of normal, too.


nickoletta100 said...

POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!! The beginning betas suck!!! I hope you can find somewhere else to get one done tomorrow instead of waiting til Monday...

Rebecca said...

Stick, stick, stick! Good luck with everything...doing this around the holidays is a bitch, huh? Nothing goes as you plan it...don't you wish you could test your own blood? That's a little gross, but it would be more immediate!

Aunt Becky said...

Okay, so I'm delurking here. Hi! My name is Becky. I drink diet coke by the gallon and probably smell today.

But here I am going to try and reassure you. I don't know numbers here, but my beta's with my second son (who is alive and healthy) weren't stellar. And yet, he's here and healthy.

Hope this makes you feel better, darlin'. It's a shitty assed wait, for sure.

Lots of love.

Joy said...

54 hours isn't terrible. 48 would be better, but you know.. what else can I tell you that you don't already know.

Limbo sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.

I'm sorry the excitement has been sucked from you. This whole thing sucks.