24 August 2009

meltdown and/or breakdown

if you could see me now. I'm the picture of complete exhaustion. ginny's first birthday party may be canceled.

I have been working my ass OFF (literally non-stop) for weeks and weeks now. I am up every single morning around 6 - 6:30 and this is after working the "night shift" and weekends. I can't even tell you the last time I slept past 7 am. I think it was when ginny gave me that horrific vomiting and diarrhea virus last winter. b "let" me sleep in one morning. thanks b.

he is so on the shit list these days. I am actually working MORE than him and taking care of ginny and all that is house related. this turkey comes home after rounds sunday morning and then NAPS! I was up even before him and this mama doesn't get to indulge in the luxury of a nap. no way man! the 3 hours a day that I consider "my" time have been dedicated to finding a new sitter/nanny. my salary is far from supplemental -- it's keeping this house afloat! BUT because b works at big fancy hospital my work is "second class." and he hates his new job. his constant moping and depression is sucking the life out of me.

I'm not eating. stress takes away my appetite and quite frankly, I don't even have the energy to eat. I'm at the mercy of demanding clients that want to see work immediately. 2 week deadlines are a fond and distant memory. now I'm banging out complete projects in a couple of days. and it shows. my hair is everywhere and my skin is a hideous shade of gray. I mumble.

it's 9:10 pm. I will save my last sad design, quit adobe illustrator and call it a night. maybe I'll even shower for the first time today. now the fun begins! I'll start searching for a new nanny for ginny. I have no tolerance for (current) sitter that simply sits next to her and sends text messages all day - at $14 an hour - after showing up late. why does she think this is acceptable? she is so fucking fired. b is fired too! his idea of fine parenting is placing ginny in her pnp while he reads his email and buys music online.

I seriously can't do this all alone!

my MIL arrives in 3 days.

oh joy.


Aunt Becky said...

This happens to me all the time, seriously. Dave was on my shit list for the first year of Alex's life.

I'm sorry, love. Hang in there. Your job is NEVER second best.

DAVs said...

Oh my. You have a lot going on--way too much. I'm sorry things are so crappy.
Hang in there, and DEMAND to have more help from B.

Candice said...

Yeah daddies are pretty clueless. I wish I could say that it gets easier, but you basically have to ride their asses constantly as if they're a second child. Sad, but true. Just know you're not alone. And make B give you some mommy time!

Yolen said...

Whenever my husband has the gall to complain about being tired after he got a full 7 hours of sleep the night before and I am running on fumes and 3 hours, half of that with my son lying on top of me while sitting on the recliner I just want to throw something at him.

Anonymous said...

Hope your mother in law doesn't read your blog.