finally!
pitocin sucks!
27 august 08. it was around 6 am when perky nurse came in to wake me up. not a problem considering I was never really sleeping. I showered and moaned about being completely constipated (thanks a bundle zofran.) nothing like going into labor and feeling rather... puffy. b arrived around 7 am and I was then wisked away to my new floor and private birthing room. very exciting! the room was ok -- nothing like the large, model version I saw on my hospital tour. the view was so so. once we got settled, pitocin was added to my IV. "we're on. rock and roll!"
grumpy nurse was far from sympathetic to my bowel issues. her primary job was to keep checking the monitors and, well, be grumpy. she scared me. the thought of her guiding me through the rigors of labor was super upsetting. "she's going to ruin it. she's surly, mean and bossy!"
"oooooh! I feel something. it's not bad. just some pressure." so I started to knit. I propped myself up in the rocker and proceeded to complete 2 full rows of the infamous, never ending baby sweater. I had all afternoon to hang out and knit. suffer through a couple contractions, knit and ultimately have a baby. cool! easy breezy.
"OUCH! the pitocen is REALLY kickin' in." I had to stop knitting mid row and quickly pack up the yarn. it didn't take long to feel full-on contractions. I couldn't find a position to get comfortable in. I couldn't sit, I couldn't walk, I couldn't be in bed. I told b that I was really hurting and that this whole thing kind of sucked. he kindly responded that I knew pain would be part of labor. (nice.) then the tears came. and more pain. and, thankfully, a new labor nurse. the 14 year old. teenage nurse.
teenage nurse was awesome! she rubbed my back and kept calling me "hon." very sweet. she was terribly kind when I was holding onto the side of the bed for dear life crying in agony. "I need meds!" within moments I had a huge syringe in my ass. ahhhhh. relief. it was short lived.
now at this point I am a mess -- gripping the bed rail as hard as I could, crying, eyes permanently closed. even in a drugged haze (I felt stoned) the pitocen induced contractions were relentless. vicious. cruel actually. the shot was crap. bring on the epidural AND fast! in came the anesthesiologist with her resident. I recall saying (not politely) over and over "don't let HIM do it!" the poor guy. I had a fellow do my amnio and there was no way in hell that a resident/fellow would give me the epidural. fuck that. I needed experience here!
then everything became a terrible blur. a torturous, sickening, excruciating blur. there was no relief to be found. there were no breaks in between contractions. AND I hadn't even started to push.
to be continued - chapter 3
29 October 2008
18 October 2008
17 October 2008
11 October 2008
6 weeks. time management issues
wow.where do the days go when you have a newborn? is 6 weeks still considered a newborn?
most days I don't get to shower until oprah (that's 4 pm here in ct. and I don't even watch oprah.) if I'm lucky I get to brush my teeth for the first time by 11 am. little ginny (at 10 lbs 14 oz) totally runs the house. I have to admit it's been VERY difficult coordinating her feeding/her lack of sleeping/dog walking/grocery shopping/bill paying/dinner making(?)/breast pumping/manual expression/thank you writing (gifts keep coming)/laundry doing/finding time for me to sleep... all I can say is, how do people manage with twins?! impossible!
I have so many topics for my blog just no time to really sit down and update. I start work again on monday. that SUCKS! it will be "part time" for the moment. we really need to find someone who can come into my home and watch ginny for a few hours a day. there is NO way I can focus on a project now and give any client my full attention. that's not right. so how does one go about finding a child care solution? where do you begin looking? who do you trust?
on another note, we just got back from a week in maine. it was bittersweet. I loved LOVED being home with my sisters but the house just wasn't the same. I thought a lot about m and my mom. both would have been so thrilled with virginia (who, mind you, is named after my mom.) the ocean air was glorious -- awesome for sleeping. I was really hoping ginny would experience the effects of the calming atlantic breezes. no such luck. sleeping is such a challenge for her. I mean her sleeping is such a challenge for me.
so here is virginia sporting her new hat (although I'm not so sure she is diggin' the look.) being the only niece in a family of nephews means lots of shopping -- polka dot dresses, flowered onesies, striped tights, leopard print hats! being in maine with all the outlets (hanna andersson rules!) also means lots of shopping. never has there been so much pink in my home. I love it!
30 September 2008
I feel sick to my stomach
I am totally heartbroken for elm city dad. I haven't heard something this tragic in quite some time. please go and support him. as I type this I can see virginia's squirmy arms and chubby legs coming from the bassinet. my god, I feel so lucky.
25 September 2008
4 weeks!
little virginia in her cozy hoodie that b gave her for her 4 week birthday. I actually have the same one but in a much larger/chubbier version. believe me, I don't look half as cute.
23 September 2008
the birth story - chapter 1
the induction
bring it on! (famous last words)
26 august 08. I went into hospital at 9 am for my BPP monitoring. fluid levels were good. little one's hb was nice and strong. dr c from dr f's office checked for any softening or dilation. if you can believe it, I had progressed(?) backwards. it appears that ron the midwife was being awfully generous in observing my cervical changes during my last few ob visits. liar. big dopey liar.
dr c gave me my first ripening treatment around 11 am. I was all set to get dressed and go home when she told me that I was being sent up to the 10th floor -- maternal medicine... for good.
"did you bring your bag with you?"
"ahhhh... no."
I had really intended on going home. I had my birthing ball there. my stop watch. my 100% fruit popsicles. I was hoping to "ripen" and start early labor in my own comfy surroundings (with premium cable.) what a fantasy that was. dream on sister.
so there I was. pacing and watching the giant clock in a small, sterile hospital room (with a fantastic view, mind you) anxiously anticipating the birth of little one. b had gone home to get my bag as well as take care of lulu. I was alone, nauseated and starting to freak out. throughout the day and into the night I continued to get the ripening injections from assorted ob residents. each one saying the same exact thing, "cervix still long and hard. no dilation." the last injection was given to me by what seemed to be a 15 year old. she had great difficulty positioning the syringe and it actually hurt and burned. not cool. I couldn't eat because of a major sour stomach and nausea. the knife pain in my belly (a form of contraction) made it hard to get comfortable in bed or even stroll 15 yards down the hallway. plus I had to be hooked up to the baby monitors. it was the day before labor started and I was already weak and exhausted. thank god for zofran though. it took care of the nausea but nobody told me it was constipating.
oy.
to be continued.
bring it on! (famous last words)
26 august 08. I went into hospital at 9 am for my BPP monitoring. fluid levels were good. little one's hb was nice and strong. dr c from dr f's office checked for any softening or dilation. if you can believe it, I had progressed(?) backwards. it appears that ron the midwife was being awfully generous in observing my cervical changes during my last few ob visits. liar. big dopey liar.
dr c gave me my first ripening treatment around 11 am. I was all set to get dressed and go home when she told me that I was being sent up to the 10th floor -- maternal medicine... for good.
"did you bring your bag with you?"
"ahhhh... no."
I had really intended on going home. I had my birthing ball there. my stop watch. my 100% fruit popsicles. I was hoping to "ripen" and start early labor in my own comfy surroundings (with premium cable.) what a fantasy that was. dream on sister.
so there I was. pacing and watching the giant clock in a small, sterile hospital room (with a fantastic view, mind you) anxiously anticipating the birth of little one. b had gone home to get my bag as well as take care of lulu. I was alone, nauseated and starting to freak out. throughout the day and into the night I continued to get the ripening injections from assorted ob residents. each one saying the same exact thing, "cervix still long and hard. no dilation." the last injection was given to me by what seemed to be a 15 year old. she had great difficulty positioning the syringe and it actually hurt and burned. not cool. I couldn't eat because of a major sour stomach and nausea. the knife pain in my belly (a form of contraction) made it hard to get comfortable in bed or even stroll 15 yards down the hallway. plus I had to be hooked up to the baby monitors. it was the day before labor started and I was already weak and exhausted. thank god for zofran though. it took care of the nausea but nobody told me it was constipating.
oy.
to be continued.
18 September 2008
we made contact!
at ginny's 3 week birthday I was finally able to BF! woo hoo! we had a couple brilliant latch-ons and guess what? they didn't hurt! this is very exciting for "mummy" as I am practically reduced to tears every time I mix up a batch of powder formula. hideous stuff. it stinks. literally.
so it only took 3 appointments (2-3 hours each meeting) with a BF specialist (whose practice sees more women than any other in the us.) dr s is a genius! after seeing the damage done to my nipples she said she hadn't seen a case like mine in years! that figures! she actually wanted to photograph my boobs! but we were able to clear up the infection with antibiotic cream and she tackled my major fear and emotional nursing issues. my mission now is to build up my weak milk supply. this won't be easy but I will do what I have to do. this seems to be the theme with our little virginia. nothing is easy and everything requires a bit more work and effort. but she is SOOOOO worth it!
and happy anniversary b! (2 days late.) the poor kid had a birthday and wedding anniversary and he got the big "goose egg" from his wife. oh well. next year. he actually bought me a comfy cozy hoodie for our "cotton anniversary" - year 2. too bad it's made out of polyester.
so it only took 3 appointments (2-3 hours each meeting) with a BF specialist (whose practice sees more women than any other in the us.) dr s is a genius! after seeing the damage done to my nipples she said she hadn't seen a case like mine in years! that figures! she actually wanted to photograph my boobs! but we were able to clear up the infection with antibiotic cream and she tackled my major fear and emotional nursing issues. my mission now is to build up my weak milk supply. this won't be easy but I will do what I have to do. this seems to be the theme with our little virginia. nothing is easy and everything requires a bit more work and effort. but she is SOOOOO worth it!
and happy anniversary b! (2 days late.) the poor kid had a birthday and wedding anniversary and he got the big "goose egg" from his wife. oh well. next year. he actually bought me a comfy cozy hoodie for our "cotton anniversary" - year 2. too bad it's made out of polyester.
12 September 2008
untitled
I'm very much out of sorts these days. with formula feeding little ginny roughly every 1 1/2 - 2 1/2 hours (while infected nipples continue to heal) for about an hour which includes being propped upright for 15 - 20 minutes (to avoid vomiting) and then waiting for her to "settle down" I then pump/massage for about 20 minutes THEN do manual expression for every precious drop -- only getting 3/4 of an oz each time (if I'm lucky.) I change the diaper and the whole cycle starts again. sleep is not an option.
I'm devastated about not being able to BF and I'm completely exhausted. b has been on call twice this week so I'm alone most of the time (except for lulu, who needs to be walked 3 times a day.)
if I get some MUCH NEEDED sleep this weekend I'll post all the gory details of the birth and some new and super cute pictures. can you believe ginny is over 2 weeks old now?
how 'bout those feet? and all the "rear gear," as b likes to call my collection of post episiotomy goods. I call that photo "still life with stool softener."
I'm devastated about not being able to BF and I'm completely exhausted. b has been on call twice this week so I'm alone most of the time (except for lulu, who needs to be walked 3 times a day.)
if I get some MUCH NEEDED sleep this weekend I'll post all the gory details of the birth and some new and super cute pictures. can you believe ginny is over 2 weeks old now?
how 'bout those feet? and all the "rear gear," as b likes to call my collection of post episiotomy goods. I call that photo "still life with stool softener."
11 September 2008
02 September 2008
is it tuesday? wednesday? who am I?
I'm running (literally limping) on no sleep. this includes the nights even before the induction. this constant percocet haze isn't helping -- helping with the confused state. helping with the pain, hell yeah!the last few days include, ummmm... let's see.
massive swelling (feet AND perineum,) injured and infected nipples, bouts of incontinence and a trip to the ER.
birth story and beyond to come tomorrow. but in the meantime -- too cute!
30 August 2008
it's a...
GIRL! she's perfect! we are SOOOOO in love!
Virginia Foster
27 august 2008
10:44 pm
7 lbs 4 oz
19" long
all the fabulous details (pitocin... screaming... poop... tear... screaming...) soon to follow.
22 August 2008
and we're off! time to pack!
the long awaited and much anticipated induction process starts tuesday morning, 26 august 08, 9 am. I'm scheduled for my BPP monitoring and then I will get the ripening treatment -- I of course, completely forget the technical/medical term. ripening gel works for me.
there were no tears or hysterics this morning. no drama or screaming at dr f demanding to be put on the "holiday schedule." I got all worked up last week over nothing (thanks to YOU -- finger pointing -- midwife ron.) I'm pleased to say, dr f is a man of his word. from day 1 he said 39 weeks 5 days and that's exactly where I'll be.
"hey! how are you doing?"
"I'm done."
"how does wednesday sound for delivering a baby?"
"... excuse me?... huh? what baby?"
today's internal was killer though. lots of pain and blood (so sorry.) I really thought I would vomit but what else is new. I'm constantly nauseated these days. dr f is hoping the exam may help things start to move along. there has been no progress made since last week. little one is clearly happy happy, comfy cozy where he/she is right now. but it's my time, finally, to have a say in the matter. my opinion counts. get out!
so if there is still no action by tuesday I will spend the night at hospital. if we see some "natural" changes then I can have the gel treatment and then go home and wait for the induction wednesday morning. I'm on the PRIORITY list. how cool is that? let's all hope mother nature is on my side. she should be for crying out loud. I recycle like crazy, eat organic, am vegetarian, use animal-safe products, conserve water, buy energy star appliances, use fluorescent bulbs...
UPDATE: 25 august, 5:30 pm
mucus plug is gone. little one is still here in the belly. no contractions. nothing. plan b ripening gel is a go.
there were no tears or hysterics this morning. no drama or screaming at dr f demanding to be put on the "holiday schedule." I got all worked up last week over nothing (thanks to YOU -- finger pointing -- midwife ron.) I'm pleased to say, dr f is a man of his word. from day 1 he said 39 weeks 5 days and that's exactly where I'll be.
"hey! how are you doing?"
"I'm done."
"how does wednesday sound for delivering a baby?"
"... excuse me?... huh? what baby?"
today's internal was killer though. lots of pain and blood (so sorry.) I really thought I would vomit but what else is new. I'm constantly nauseated these days. dr f is hoping the exam may help things start to move along. there has been no progress made since last week. little one is clearly happy happy, comfy cozy where he/she is right now. but it's my time, finally, to have a say in the matter. my opinion counts. get out!
so if there is still no action by tuesday I will spend the night at hospital. if we see some "natural" changes then I can have the gel treatment and then go home and wait for the induction wednesday morning. I'm on the PRIORITY list. how cool is that? let's all hope mother nature is on my side. she should be for crying out loud. I recycle like crazy, eat organic, am vegetarian, use animal-safe products, conserve water, buy energy star appliances, use fluorescent bulbs...
UPDATE: 25 august, 5:30 pm
mucus plug is gone. little one is still here in the belly. no contractions. nothing. plan b ripening gel is a go.
21 August 2008
I'm still...here!
bigger, slower and more awkward than ever!
the emails, text messages and phone calls have officially begun.
"is there an induction date?" "have contractions started?" "is there a baby yet?"
no. no. NO!
I even got a text message last night from b's sister. "what date is the christening?"
are you friggin' joking?! there isn't even a baby yet, you turkey!
and yes I'm still working. and no my bag is not packed yet. I guess I am still waiting for some "action" before I really believe any of this will actually happen. all my fellow saIF (success after IF) nesties who were scheduled to give birth in august are now mothers. congratulations ariana! little jasper finally made an appearance. I've been left behind to fend for myself. my support, my peeps, are now busy breastfeeding and fumbling through the early stages motherhood. but I'm still here... dammit!
on another note, did you know that slippers are a seasonal item? what the hell! I have been searching high and low for a cheap pair of disposable slippers for hospital. I'm talking $12 isotoner or old lady terry cloth dearfoams style. I'm certainly not bringing my suede scuffs to shuffle around the maternity ward in. assorted bodily fluids do not look good on beige. a good friend came up from nyc yesterday for a visit. it was great to hang out, lunch and shop. the only thing missing from our day was a few hours at a local pub. anyway, I'm pleased to say we hit the jackpot at kohls. I found my cheapass slippers. got them in black, of course. I managed to find the one and only item NOT on sale in the entire store -- oh well. into my infamous empty hospital bag they go! see people, I'm packing!
and again, on another entirely different note, vh1 classics shows 120 minutes between 4 am - 6 am. it's awesome! I'm up every day at this time anyway and it's pretty cool that I can now pee, pace and snack to my favorite alternative 80's videos. today I saw the smiths, love and rockets, they might be giants, the jam, rem, inxs. this made me very happy.
so hopefully tomorrow dr f, once and for all, will give me a concrete ripening/induction date for next week. no more of this wishy washy bullshit please! I cannot take it anymore. a good friend's wife is actually being induced right this very moment. he's leaving me "behind" as well. but fingers crossed little one will cooperate and I will have made some progress these last few days. the cramps, tight uterus and BH contractions have to mean something right? but nothing, absolutely nothing, about this pregnancy has been natural thus far, so why start now?
the emails, text messages and phone calls have officially begun.
"is there an induction date?" "have contractions started?" "is there a baby yet?"
no. no. NO!
I even got a text message last night from b's sister. "what date is the christening?"
are you friggin' joking?! there isn't even a baby yet, you turkey!
and yes I'm still working. and no my bag is not packed yet. I guess I am still waiting for some "action" before I really believe any of this will actually happen. all my fellow saIF (success after IF) nesties who were scheduled to give birth in august are now mothers. congratulations ariana! little jasper finally made an appearance. I've been left behind to fend for myself. my support, my peeps, are now busy breastfeeding and fumbling through the early stages motherhood. but I'm still here... dammit!
on another note, did you know that slippers are a seasonal item? what the hell! I have been searching high and low for a cheap pair of disposable slippers for hospital. I'm talking $12 isotoner or old lady terry cloth dearfoams style. I'm certainly not bringing my suede scuffs to shuffle around the maternity ward in. assorted bodily fluids do not look good on beige. a good friend came up from nyc yesterday for a visit. it was great to hang out, lunch and shop. the only thing missing from our day was a few hours at a local pub. anyway, I'm pleased to say we hit the jackpot at kohls. I found my cheapass slippers. got them in black, of course. I managed to find the one and only item NOT on sale in the entire store -- oh well. into my infamous empty hospital bag they go! see people, I'm packing!
and again, on another entirely different note, vh1 classics shows 120 minutes between 4 am - 6 am. it's awesome! I'm up every day at this time anyway and it's pretty cool that I can now pee, pace and snack to my favorite alternative 80's videos. today I saw the smiths, love and rockets, they might be giants, the jam, rem, inxs. this made me very happy.
so hopefully tomorrow dr f, once and for all, will give me a concrete ripening/induction date for next week. no more of this wishy washy bullshit please! I cannot take it anymore. a good friend's wife is actually being induced right this very moment. he's leaving me "behind" as well. but fingers crossed little one will cooperate and I will have made some progress these last few days. the cramps, tight uterus and BH contractions have to mean something right? but nothing, absolutely nothing, about this pregnancy has been natural thus far, so why start now?
19 August 2008
secret recipe
so after countless emails about my last protocol I am finally posting the secrets to our success.
IVF #4
first of all, I believe we went to the best RE out there (in the world maybe) for a high fsh/poor responder/AMA dx. yes, this is my simple opinion but many people (with fancy medical degrees) feel the same as I do. dr davis at cornell is a genius! his wait list is long but he is so worth it.
before I completely assaulted my body with hardcore hormones I did a little fine tuning to my diet. my acupuncturist who specializes in IF had me commit to specific changes that were necessary for my particular dx and constitution. and I did A LOT of research on my own as well.
- no wheat
- no caffeine
- reduce sugar intake dramatically
- no alcohol (not going to lie. I did have the occasional glass of wine here and there. and here and there...)
- no soy (very bad for fertility)
I included
- omega 3's
- co-q10
- DHEA (75 mg for at least 3 months)
- tons of protein (whey shakes, eggs, nuts, beans) for egg quality
- pnvs and extra folic acid
- specific herbs from my acupuncturist
- fresh (almost daily) wheatgrass shots (powdered or pill form is not as effective.)
- weekly acupuncture
my fsh was 16 point something going into round 3.
co-culture!!! brilliant! I truly believe this was the "magic bullet" for our bfp. cornell is known for this practice. it's not for everyone and does come with a high price tag. they literally do a cervial scraping and then freeze your cells. it's awesome for those with repeat "questionable" embryo quality. it allows the embies to grow and develop in your own "fluids." makes sense to me.
for round 4 I was put on EPP/MDL (estrogen priming/microdose lupron - a VERRRRY long protocol.) I was injecting 525 IU follistim and 75 menopur -- 5 shots a day total.
IVF #4
first of all, I believe we went to the best RE out there (in the world maybe) for a high fsh/poor responder/AMA dx. yes, this is my simple opinion but many people (with fancy medical degrees) feel the same as I do. dr davis at cornell is a genius! his wait list is long but he is so worth it.
before I completely assaulted my body with hardcore hormones I did a little fine tuning to my diet. my acupuncturist who specializes in IF had me commit to specific changes that were necessary for my particular dx and constitution. and I did A LOT of research on my own as well.
- no wheat
- no caffeine
- reduce sugar intake dramatically
- no alcohol (not going to lie. I did have the occasional glass of wine here and there. and here and there...)
- no soy (very bad for fertility)
I included
- omega 3's
- co-q10
- DHEA (75 mg for at least 3 months)
- tons of protein (whey shakes, eggs, nuts, beans) for egg quality
- pnvs and extra folic acid
- specific herbs from my acupuncturist
- fresh (almost daily) wheatgrass shots (powdered or pill form is not as effective.)
- weekly acupuncture
my fsh was 16 point something going into round 3.
co-culture!!! brilliant! I truly believe this was the "magic bullet" for our bfp. cornell is known for this practice. it's not for everyone and does come with a high price tag. they literally do a cervial scraping and then freeze your cells. it's awesome for those with repeat "questionable" embryo quality. it allows the embies to grow and develop in your own "fluids." makes sense to me.
for round 4 I was put on EPP/MDL (estrogen priming/microdose lupron - a VERRRRY long protocol.) I was injecting 525 IU follistim and 75 menopur -- 5 shots a day total.
16 August 2008
no news is not good news. it's no news.
thursday's appointment with dr f's office was uneventful. I met with the midwife and my progress is at best, minimal. I'm now -1 station as opposed to last week's -2 and with no dilation. and I lost 2 more pounds thanks to the late 3rd trimester nausea that now torments me. the highlight of my day was the dry heaves that immediately followed my appointment. horrible. I couldn't get home fast enough to puke up absolutely nothing.
I have my second BPP on tuesday morning. they check the fluid levels via u/s and monitor little one's heartbeat for at least 1/2 hour. the purpose is to look for signs of placenta breakdown -- the biggest concern in my case.
now this is where my very matter of fact and benign post gets super pissy. both my childbirth teacher (40 year veteran ob nurse at yale) and my midwife agree that the induction process should start at 38.5 weeks for someone my age. dr f, on the other hand, prefers to go to 39 weeks and 5 days. not 39 weeks and 4 days... whatever. if you were to look at a calendar, next friday's appointment I will be 39 weeks (or 39 weeks and 1 day according to dr f.) then you have the weekend. inductions don't happen on a saturday or sunday. don't interfere with date night or holy communion, god forbid! so monday is 39 weeks and 4 days AND a "holiday week" (according to the midwife) because of labor day. scheduling "may just be a problem." so now we are talking the following week when I will be over 40 weeks and... LIVID! watch out people!
hello! this pregnancy did not just occur 3 weeks ago. dr f's office has had 9 (I repeat, NINE) friggin' months to get me on the schedule knowing exactly when labor day weekend falls. don't pull this shit on me now. this is totally ridiculous. if I go in on friday and dr f says there is nobody available to start the ripening/induction process the week of 25 august, rest assured, all hell will break loose. if I have to, I will personally hunt down dr f or dr h or dr s on cape cod or the jersey shore and make his or her vacation more than miserable. I will guarantee that labor day will have a whole new meaning for the lucky obstetrician on call. this is bullshit. BULLSHIT! b doesn't take a holiday at the hospital. so don't bother to pack your banana republic swim trunks and bain de soleil spf 15 dr f, you've got an important job on the horizon mister! I mean doctor.
so don't mess with this giant, nauseated, sleep deprived, irritated, hormonally charged pregnant woman. consider yourself warned!
I have my second BPP on tuesday morning. they check the fluid levels via u/s and monitor little one's heartbeat for at least 1/2 hour. the purpose is to look for signs of placenta breakdown -- the biggest concern in my case.
now this is where my very matter of fact and benign post gets super pissy. both my childbirth teacher (40 year veteran ob nurse at yale) and my midwife agree that the induction process should start at 38.5 weeks for someone my age. dr f, on the other hand, prefers to go to 39 weeks and 5 days. not 39 weeks and 4 days... whatever. if you were to look at a calendar, next friday's appointment I will be 39 weeks (or 39 weeks and 1 day according to dr f.) then you have the weekend. inductions don't happen on a saturday or sunday. don't interfere with date night or holy communion, god forbid! so monday is 39 weeks and 4 days AND a "holiday week" (according to the midwife) because of labor day. scheduling "may just be a problem." so now we are talking the following week when I will be over 40 weeks and... LIVID! watch out people!
hello! this pregnancy did not just occur 3 weeks ago. dr f's office has had 9 (I repeat, NINE) friggin' months to get me on the schedule knowing exactly when labor day weekend falls. don't pull this shit on me now. this is totally ridiculous. if I go in on friday and dr f says there is nobody available to start the ripening/induction process the week of 25 august, rest assured, all hell will break loose. if I have to, I will personally hunt down dr f or dr h or dr s on cape cod or the jersey shore and make his or her vacation more than miserable. I will guarantee that labor day will have a whole new meaning for the lucky obstetrician on call. this is bullshit. BULLSHIT! b doesn't take a holiday at the hospital. so don't bother to pack your banana republic swim trunks and bain de soleil spf 15 dr f, you've got an important job on the horizon mister! I mean doctor.
so don't mess with this giant, nauseated, sleep deprived, irritated, hormonally charged pregnant woman. consider yourself warned!
14 August 2008
good mornin' sunshine
I've been up since 4:15 am. when I say "up" I mean literally on my swollen and tingling paddle-like feet pacing and snacking. up the stairs. down the stairs. my routine lately has been wake up starving between 4 and 4:30, eat and drink a little, pee and then go back to bed. well not anymore. there is just too much swirling around in my head these days. AND I'm nauseated and too damn uncomfortable in bed. sleeping actually hurts! how cruel is that?! you'd think your body would give you a little tiny break right before you deliver. people say "oh, you'll never have a good night's sleep again until the child is 18." I know, I know! so pleeeaaase... why can't I rest now?! I'm tired, unprepared and feeling mighty cranky.
this certainly doesn't help. I have a ridiculous week by week pregnancy book that I stupidly thumb through every wednesday. I like to know what to expect in the coming week. however each chapter always ends on a real downer.
"week 28 - your baby weighs 2 1/2 lbs and now has eyebrows and eyelashes! brain tissue is increasing... now let's talk placenta previa and bird flu."
"week 36 - you've gained 25 - 30 lbs by now. your uterus is up under your ribs... now let's talk umbilical-cord prolapse and hyaline membrane disease."
"week 38 - you're big and fat and exhausted. now let's talk postpartum distress syndrome. acute depression, cannot sleep or eat, feel worthless and isolated, sad, extremely anxious, restless and agitated. watch out if you..
- have experienced a major life change recently. m's death.
- suffered pms before pregnancy. yep.
- had fertility treatments to achieve pregnancy. hormone fluctuations may be more severe! oh YEAH!
- have a personal history of depression. unfortunately, yes.
(here we go. confession time. I was treated for an eating disorder years ago. I expect to hear the phone start ringing anytime now.)
- have a perfectionist personality. ugh.
- have a husband who works 115+ hour weeks and sleeps when he is not at hospital." my own personal addition.
I'm doomed. bring on the hardcore meds and book a year's worth of bi-weekly therapy sessions. I know this is part of the reason why I cannot sleep. am I ready for all of "this?" I consider myself a pretty good "dog parent" to lulu (and chilli) but a "human parent?" am I too old? too tired? too much in dept? can I really handle being a single parent? b's work schedule really won't change much... until he retires.
:::panic sets in. again:::
the sun is up now. I go see dr f in a few hours to check on any cervical activity. yikes.
this certainly doesn't help. I have a ridiculous week by week pregnancy book that I stupidly thumb through every wednesday. I like to know what to expect in the coming week. however each chapter always ends on a real downer.
"week 28 - your baby weighs 2 1/2 lbs and now has eyebrows and eyelashes! brain tissue is increasing... now let's talk placenta previa and bird flu."
"week 36 - you've gained 25 - 30 lbs by now. your uterus is up under your ribs... now let's talk umbilical-cord prolapse and hyaline membrane disease."
"week 38 - you're big and fat and exhausted. now let's talk postpartum distress syndrome. acute depression, cannot sleep or eat, feel worthless and isolated, sad, extremely anxious, restless and agitated. watch out if you..
- have experienced a major life change recently. m's death.
- suffered pms before pregnancy. yep.
- had fertility treatments to achieve pregnancy. hormone fluctuations may be more severe! oh YEAH!
- have a personal history of depression. unfortunately, yes.
(here we go. confession time. I was treated for an eating disorder years ago. I expect to hear the phone start ringing anytime now.)
- have a perfectionist personality. ugh.
- have a husband who works 115+ hour weeks and sleeps when he is not at hospital." my own personal addition.
I'm doomed. bring on the hardcore meds and book a year's worth of bi-weekly therapy sessions. I know this is part of the reason why I cannot sleep. am I ready for all of "this?" I consider myself a pretty good "dog parent" to lulu (and chilli) but a "human parent?" am I too old? too tired? too much in dept? can I really handle being a single parent? b's work schedule really won't change much... until he retires.
:::panic sets in. again:::
the sun is up now. I go see dr f in a few hours to check on any cervical activity. yikes.
12 August 2008
this came in the mail today
surprise!from proud papa-to-be.
with a groovy "brooklyn" hoodie and ramones onesie little one is already way too cool.
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